Hypocritical Hinduism?

Hinduism is one of the oldest religions in the world, dating back to as early as 2500 BCE.

Hindus were the fourth largest religious group in the UK, according to the 2011 Census. They came after Christians (59%), those with no religion (25%), and Muslims (5%).

It is a religion with many deities as opposed to just one God figure. It has approximately 330 million deities, and preaches the worship of both Gods and Goddesses.

Despite this, Hinduism is associated with many cultural beliefs and traditions that highlight the overbearing patriarchy and hypocrisy of a religion that is so respectful towards it’s own Goddesses, but in which it is universally accepted practice to treat women as inferior to men.

I spoke to 3 different people about their first hand experiences as Hindu women, in regard to marriage, menstruation and male superiority.

*Maya (28) is from India and lives there with her husband, 2 children and in laws.

*Puja (36) was originally from India but moved to England 14 years ago when she married her husband. She also has 2 children.

*Ritika (22) has lived in England since birth and is not yet married. She lives with her parents and younger brother.

Marriage

Dowries are a form of payment the bride’s family gives to the groom’s family. They are still very common today, though they are arranged more covertly. The idea behind a dowry not only suggests that women are objects to be bargained for, but also implies the groom’s family is owed some sort of compensation for “taking her on”.

“My in laws got a dowry. I remember my parents arguing about how to arrange so much money. It seemed wrong to me, but I didn’t challenge it in case my husband’s family pulled out of the marriage. That would have caused my parents more stress and brought shame on our family.” says *Maya

“Everybody gives a dowry for their daughters in my neighbourhood. Some people pretend they don’t but they do,” she adds.

According to Stri Dharma, a wife should consider her husband a God. Apparently, her purpose is to serve him, obey him, pray for him and eat only after he has eaten.

Due to the fact men were the sole breadwinners for many years, and still are in some families, their needs are seen as greater than that of their wife’s. *Maya admits her husband and children are her main priority: “My husband works hard so he deserves my full attention for whatever he needs.”

When asked if she works hard she replies “I do. But it’s different. He has to go out and deal with business. I manage the children and the house.”

“I expect my husband to be my equal. Simple as.” states *Ritika. "We're both people. Why would my husband be superior to me?"

*Puja and her husband both have jobs but she also takes care of the household tasks. “We both look after the children so it’s not too bad. But I would like some more help with the cleaning and things. I run out of time to do everything.” She mentions she has never seen any man in her family do substantial housework and thinks it's unlikely that her husband would help her with household chores.

The inequality and sexism doesn’t end after a woman’s husband dies. Up until the 19th century, a widow had two choices.

Sati is the name of the ritual in which a wife would also be burned on a funeral pyre with her dead husband. The only difference is, she would alive during the burning! It is almost unheard of now as it was outlawed during the British reign in India, but the ritual was thought to bring good luck to the woman’s family and allow her to be reincarnated with her husband in their next life. This implies a woman's life is only worth living when she has a husband and again, highlights the patriarchy.

“You cannot be serious?!” exclaims *Ritika when she hears this. “WHAT?”

Alternatively, she could continue to live as a widow, unable to remarry. Though this is not a concrete rule nowadays, it is still the case for many Hindu women, particularly in the east. Some believe widows are inauspicious and therefore they are treated as second class citizens in society and in their families alike.

Menstruation

“You know how some people say periods are a celebration of womanhood? Yeah, that’s not how Hindus see it. It’s considered an impurity and it’s something we don’t really openly talk about.” says *Ritika

*Maya has also experienced this unfair shunning: “I once pointed out some blood on the floor when I was younger. Too young to understand what it was. My mother went very red and started to clean it up discreetly. My dad told me to be quiet and averted his eyes. I was so confused.”

She later found this was not a one off reaction. “Nobody in India mentions periods. We pretend they don’t exist. If you have cramps you pretend it’s just a stomach ache. It’s seen as embarrassing to both girls and boys.”

As well as not being able to talk about it, during menstruation a woman is not allowed to go into a temple, touch any Godly pictures or objects, and some even go as far as not being allowed to touch another person who is about to go into a temple/touch a religious object. It is unclear where this tradition originated from however, it is practiced by Hindus around the world, including those in the UK.

Because of this, women spend a lot of time walking on eggshells, especially in India where over 80% of the population is Hindu and religious artefacts are prevalent almost everywhere, including in shops, vehicles and restaurants.

“Many people in India have pictures of deities in their shops or rickshaws. It’s not as common in England but I’ve seen it occasionally here, too. My husband is very religious, so we have a whole prayer room in our house. I’m not allowed to enter it when I’m on my period and I’m not allowed to touch my husband if he’s about to pray.” *Puja tells me.

“It’s so backwards! Why would God care if I’m on my period? God created me. If God loves everyone unconditionally then why would he hold something against me that I can’t even control? It makes no sense!” says *Ritika.

Male Superiority

“My brother and I are very close in age, so it was quite clear when we started be to treated differently. After I was about 12 and my brother 10, I was reared more towards housework and other chores. My parents didn’t expect me to be a stay at home mum or anything but I had to manage household work and education, whereas my brother just had to focus on a career.” *Ritika tells me.

*Ritika’s home life became strained when she stood up for her personal beliefs. “We never had a big argument or anything. It was lots of small ones. Every time I was told to clean up after dinner and I asked why my brother couldn’t do it, my parents would make up a stupid excuse and then cut me off when I tried to argue. It would be the same for other things too. They’d never hear me out.”

There is a proverbial blessing among Hindus: “may you be the mother of a hundred sons”, and there are many mantras and rituals that are carried out in order for a mother to produce a son. In 1961, the ratio for girls to boys under the age of 7 was 976 : 1000. In 2011, 50 years later, that figure dropped to 914 : 1000. An estimated 6 million girls were aborted in India over the last 10 years. From 1980 to 2010 approximately 12 million girls could have been aborted.

And it’s not just in the east. In America, in scenarios where the first child is a girl, higher ratios of sons to daughters have been found in the second birth.

“I’ll admit, I did want at least one son. In Indian culture it’s the boy that looks after the parents in their old age. So it’s kind of a security. The boy is also the one who carries on the family name. In Indian culture the girl marries out of the family and becomes part of her husband’s family so having a son means your family line carries on,” *Maya confesses

“I wasn’t too worried about having a son but my in laws and husband were. I’ve heard of people in my city in India being shunned by their whole family because they couldn’t produce a son. It’s not uncommon. It was a relief to have a boy. My first child was a boy so my in laws were happy,” says *Puja

“Being a girl and seeing the way girls are treated, I know for certain I’ll never treat my daughters like that. It’s not fair and I’m not going to put them through what I went through. Nobody controls their birth gender. It’s not fair,” adds *Ritika.

I reached out to several mandirs (temples) in order to gain a different perspective and allow them to explain or justify these traditions. Though I communicated in length with one mandir, and despite them agreeing to answer my queries, no response was provided for the questions I asked.

Perhaps they’re just as stumped as I was when trying to understand these views?

Of course, not all Hindu women are persecuted, as beliefs and personal views/situations vary over time and location. However, the fact that even some people still practice these sexist traditions is definitely a huge cause for concern.

*names changed for confidentiality purposes.

(Link to map https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/atKfl/1/)

(Link to timeline https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1YYGtthaXImGohJ6WEjw7C5Nx8W3xsFMR2mpLbcD2iQc/edit#gid=0)