I Can (Can) (Like the dance) (Get it?)

justcallmedee
Dec 9, 2015
3 min read

There is nothing worse than telling someone they can't achieve their goals. It's not your decision to make and it's just rude to be honest. Even if you think you're looking out for them or being practical, it's really not your place to tell someone they CAN'T do something. Because not only does it lower their self esteem, it could well prevent them from doing something amazing. I have people in my life that I'm very close to who have told me I can't do things, y'know, and it really impacts me in such a big way. It gets into my head and then it's always there, making me feel self conscious whenever I try something new.

Sometimes it's just little things like "pah! You can't go to the supermarket on your own. You can't even speak to the sales assistants." That right there is something I hear a lot from my family.

When I was younger my dad asked me to ask a shop assistant a question (idk "where's the cereal?" or something) and I was too shy to do it. Since then, whenever I show any sign of independence in my endeavours, I'm told I can't do it because a few years ago I was too shy.

Why? Why does that still affect me? I don't know but it does. I feel so self conscious and nervous when I'm in those situations now because I'm constantly told I can't deal with it. It's actually become like social anxiety and it's not just in supermarkets. I now get anxiety pretty much wherever and whenever I'm around people. I mean there are other contributing factors to my anxiety. The cereal didn't scar me for life but when your close ones think you can't do it, you think you can't do it and that's really not a healthy way to go on.

I was so shy when I was younger and I've definitely come out of my shell a lot. This is something I'm quite proud of actually: a few months back I wanted to buy tickets for a Teen Wolf convention but none of my friends like it so I had no one to go with. Still, I thought I'd go on my own but when I told people they were like "what? You can't go on your own. That's crazy" and I was like "oh crap maybe I can't go" but I went anyway because Tyler Posey was going to be there and I'll be damned if I miss an opportunity to meet that angel sent from heaven above. (You can read about the convention and what it was like to meet Posey and the others on my Wolfs Bane 3 posts. Check them out)

So yeah. I went to a convention in a different city (granted it was only up the road from my house), on my own, and had an amazing, unforgettable time. Not only did I get to meet the cast of Teen Wolf but I proved my independence and it made me feel more confident about myself. I came back and the following time someone told me I couldn't do something I replied with "erm but everyone said I couldn't go to Wolfs Bane 3 on my own and I did that so yeah.." It shut them right up.

When people doubt you, the most common piece of advice is "prove them wrong. Prove them wrong" and it is an effective solution and it's the advice that I would give but I know it's not always that easy. Sometimes their negativity can get into your head and so to prove them wrong you also have to prove yourself wrong and how do you do something if you don't believe you can do it, right? I get it.

So listen, it's all in your head. Be positive. Be strong. And do whatever the hell you want to do! It's important to remember these people aren't you. They might know you so, so well and be your closest family/friends but what you can and can't do is truly in your hands alone. Your actions define you. Don't let others tell you who you are, okay? It's your choice.

And for what it's worth, even if they say you can't do it, I KNOW you can do it if you want to.

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Stay golden,

Dee x