There's No Raincheck For This Year

The original title of this post was "Can I Get A Raincheck On 2020?" That's because, like most of my posts, I came up with the idea and then completely changed my mind once I'd actually thought about it. There is no raincheck for 2020, unfortunately. It's been a shitty year and is unlikely to bow out gracefully in the final few months. I thought there was nothing left to salvage. I thought wrong. If you know me, you'll know there's nothing I love more than planning. Observing, taking note, scheduling. And like most people, I dive into each January vowing it will be my year. I WILL get my shit together. I WILL do what I couldn't every year prior. I had a crappy 2019. Very messy, to say the least. I really needed this year to be better. And it looked that way for a while: Harry Styles AND JLS reunion tickets. The future looked bright. Of course, it was out of my hands come March.

I have 5 months left. Every year I jump right in saying it will be better, relying purely on spirit and hopefulness. And that's not me, at all. I plan. I plan everything. I plan my mornings down to the minute. I plan my hair washing schedule, my meals, my outfits. Because I know things won't just fall into place. So why do I think each year will just fall into place? I know this is a difficult time and everyone is under different circumstances. I'm not saying we all need to be productive. If you need to relax and take things one day at a time, you do that. If you need to focus on one particular task, or you want to get back to normal as soon as possible, you work on that.

Personally, I see these last 5 months as planning time. I've finally got the time to take some pressure off myself and work out a plan for next year. I've got 5 months to get a weight gain schedule in motion, a job hunt going, start up my blog again (hello), learn as much as I can about driving before taking up lessons. All I ever want is a bit of time to get myself together when I get overwhelmed and now I have that. I know 5 months seems like a long time to prep, but any extra time I have, I'll use as bonus time. I do this so I can stop feeling so helpless and useless and pathetic. Because that's how I've been feeling knowing this year has gone to waste. There isn't much we've been able to control this year, so instead of writing the whole of 2020 off, control as much as you can in the meantime. Do whatever you need to for these last 5 months. And don't feel guilty about it.

That's all I have to say. Breathe and try again when you're ready.