Hindsight: 2020 (or something less cringe)

This is kind of a Michael Scott piece:

I used to write this way for a long time. Just pen to paper, see where it takes me, no pressure. But I vowed not to recently - I wanted to make my pieces more polished.

Nevertheless, I always write as though I'm talking to friends, that's just my style. So I felt I should just do this one summary of my year in the way I love writing - stripped back, informal, and as honest and unpretentious as possible.

So let's begin.

It was looking good for me this year. JLS got back together. I managed to get tickets to see them in November. For someone who, up until recently had their faces plastered all over her bedroom walls, it was quite literally a dream come true. And if that wasn't enough to make me feel 14 again, I also got tickets to see Harry Styles in April. Fangirl Divya was well and truly LIVING.

I'd promised myself I'd be more open to new experiences. I was gonna take a short holiday. See my friends more. I was optimistic about what 2020 would bring and like always, I aimed to get my shit together. Of course that optimism soon wore off as the pandemic took over our lives.

This year was very difficult for so many people, myself included, but I do feel slightly guilty about saying it wasn't a complete write off for me, personally.

I hope this comes across as gratitude, as opposed to flippancy, but the lockdown wasn't terrible for me.

At first I enjoyed being able to stay home. It's not that I'm unsociable, I just very much appreciate staying in, spending time by myself, not having to make plans. I'm definitely that one friend who does the whole "oh I can't, but you guys go ahead without me, it's fine!" And I mean it.

I used that time to try to get my ducks in a row, career wise and personally. (And yes, lounge around the house in the bikinis I'd prematurely bought back in February)

I FINALLY sorted and recycled all the books and notes I'd hoarded long after school ended. I reorganised my bedroom.

I applied for jobs and internships and sent out freelance pitches. I restarted this blog!

And then on a whim I applied for a mentorship scheme with one of my favourite publications, (think Sex and The City cocktail). It wasn't a job or even work experience but it was an opportunity I didn't want to miss.

I'd all but discarded hope when the standard "we regret to inform you" email popped up in my notifications a few weeks later.

Only this time it wasn't a rejection.

I spent the next few months learning and gaining insight from a wonderful editor and honestly, I feel as though I've grown so much in the process.

It's a small thing, on paper. A mentorship. But it changed my whole year. I went from feeling hopeless about not finding work, not going out and the pandemic in general, to actually doing something productive.

And actually I've progressed more in this year, during a worldwide crisis, than I did in 2019.

I also grew as a person.

With everything being so out of control, it forced me to deal with not always being in charge of every situation. I learnt how to not stress about every little thing. It's been very peaceful.

Of course not all of 2020 was uplifting.

Being stuck at home during a pandemic, plus the extra precautions I had to take while living with a vulnerable person meant I had some serious cabin fever.

I struggled with my IPL hair removal machine (post on that soon), I had to delay a lot of my plans, and my mental health really plummeted while being stuck around the same people for months.

I realised just how selfish, ignorant and downright stupid people really are. The way this entire situation was handled by the public and government alike truly made me lose faith in humanity.

My birthday came and went. Just like that I went from early 20s to mid 20s. These are supposed to be the best years of my life. And, if not best, fun at least. It's not the lack of going out that affected me. It's the fact I've wasted a whole year, haven't completed many of my goals, basically been almost stagnant all year.

Time became meaningless.

2020 is coming to an end. I wanted to end on a positive. I don't know if I can. I've kinda become so overwhelmed with what's going on that I've gone numb. I didn't even attempt any new year's resolutions because everything is so uncertain.

I'm grateful that this year was not as awful for me as it could have been. That I salvaged something in the chaos.

So here's to making the best out of a bad situation! I know we're all gonna need that skill and blind faith for the new year.

Happy New Year! / Happy End of 2020!

See you soon.

Divya x