Demons Don't Wear Name Tags

"ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF THIEVING????" 

It was a rhetorical question, because the look on her face as she hauled her overflowing pram to a stop showed me she wasn't open to a rational conversation.

I scurried in front of her in my 4-inch boots to make sure she didn't leave. My slim, barely 5ft frame struggling to cover the exit. 

They try it sometimes, when they see that you're alone. A petite, quiet staff member, managing 4 or 5 tasks at a time. Folding and hanging and organising, running back and forth from the front desk to the back room to the cubicles, greeting customers, handing out tags, counting each item that leaves and returns with each person and keeping an eye out for any funny business or prohibited products. 

And sometimes they think I won't notice. If they hurry past me or saunter off while I'm occupied. Whether they're stealing or just don't want to play by the rules. And they rely on their big booming voice and self righteous tone. If they make a scene, I'll back down. That's what they think. 

So she shouts, "ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF THIEVING????" And people stop and stare.

The answer to her question is no. I know better than to accuse anyone of anything. Despite my youthful appearance, I was not born yesterday. But I am the bouncer of this clothes club and I take my role very seriously.

What brought on this fit of rage? I asked her to stop while I counted her items upon leaving the fitting rooms. The rules of fitting rooms are quite simple: Your items are counted on arrival and counted on exit. You keep what you like and you return what you don't.

I explain this to her. "I just have to check your items. I have to check everyone's items". I don't know how else to say it.

To enter and leave without having your items checked would make my role quite redundant. Not only would it mean people could steal things, it would mean I was there as a glorified hostess, merely welcoming and bidding farewell to people as they come and go. 

It's also worth mentioning that this lady had no qualms with me counting her items before entering the fitting rooms. She saw me check each piece and give her a tag with the corresponding number. Was I doing that for fun? Was it all a big game for me? Was I using it as a revision tool to help me learn to count from 1 - 8? Or perhaps I just wanted to have a nosy at her clothes. Perhaps she is to me what Kim Kardashian is to the rest of the world. 

I wasn't accusing her of thieving, I was doing my job. I wasn't making up frivolous rules, I was following a company policy. I wasn't trying to inconvenience her, I was trying to count from 1 - 8 and then wish her a good rest of the day.

"That's a stupid policy!" she exclaims.

And then continues to rant about her displeasure. How busy she is. How she's not a thief. In case anyone in the store hadn't heard the first time.

There's huffing and puffing and eye rolling and daggers as she realises I'm not budging until my work is done. I gingerly pick up each item from on top of her pram where she had thrown them. Within 10 seconds she is free to leave. 

Dealing with unpleasantness is not uncommon in this line of work. Another "busy" customer who just made the interaction 5 times longer than it needed to be. The possible reasons unbeknownst to me, even after all these years.

And when the aggressor has gone and it's safe to speak, some step in to reassure me.

"God, what was her problem?" "Well, that wasn't very nice, was it?" and I in turn reassure them: "I've had worse, don't worry".

And it's true. Can anyone say they've worked in retail if they haven't had something thrown at them in frustration? The underwear that you say can't be tried on or returned. The full priced clothes that they're adamant have been reduced. And God forbid the store runs out of something at Christmas. 

Retail assistants are not your enemies. They are not demons sent to ruin your day. For one, they don't get paid enough to make these apparently life-altering decisions, such as "no refunds without a receipt". They are merely the frontline soldiers, carrying out the orders of higher powers. And if they don't have the power to make the rules, you can bet they won't have the power to break them either, regardless of the abuse they may consequently face.

Remembering that the next time you go shopping will make everyone's experience quicker, easier and much, much nicer. And it will mean you won't end up as "remember when" tale at the store Xmas party.