Am I Ugly Betty or Am I Just Ugly?

Dear Diary, (or whomever is reading this if it turns out good), I started watching Ugly Betty over 10 years ago on Sunday afternoons with my sister, while our parents did the weekly shop in "big Tesco". Like Betty's sister Hilda, mine was also older, cooler and more attractive. And I was the geeky, weird, ugly one. But that was okay because as we all know, Betty gets better. In every way. I want to pause here to just mention how aside from her clothes, Betty wasn't even unattractive if you really think about it and it kinda winds me up. But back to the point. I relate to Betty in a number of ways:

1. The sister thing 2. I, too, want to work in the magazine industry. 3. I'm also unattractive/unfashionable 4. I wasn't conventionally "cool" (I say wasn't because past the age of 21, being cool isn't really a thing anymore) 5. Her age (23) I never really forgot the key points of Ugly Betty, despite watching it in primary school. Certain scenes and plots just stayed with me. And I always remember her glow up being gradual over the series: her naivety, her fashion sense, her career progression, her hair, braces and general grooming. So I got my school qualifications and my degree and always kept her in the back of my mind. Because I knew that like Betty, my time would come. Some people are late bloomers. I've always known that. I've used it to reassure myself. I told myself to focus on my studies and the rest would fall into place. See the great thing about Betty was, not only did she change her look, she grew as a person. And it took TIME. It was realistic. No offence to Princess Diaries but it was nothing like the Anne Hathaway miracle makeover. (Or any other teen rom com) And the most inspiring thing about Betty? (For me, at least) She reached her career goals. The original boss bitch. BETTY SUAREZ. I used it to motivate myself for over 10 years. It wasn't a WWBD situation. I'm not nearly perky enough for that. It was just a way to trust the process. To remind myself that it takes time. That I need to focus on the task at hand (getting my degree) before I launch my career. Betty was 23 when she started at MODE. I'm 23. I'm 23 and a half, almost. And I'm scared. I'm not saying it's an exact science. That on my 23rd birthday I automatically get a job in the industry. But I thought my life would at least start coming together by now. And it isn't. And it's scary. I thought I was Ugly Betty. I thought I was on her path. I'm not. I'm not Ugly Betty, I'm just ugly. I started rewatching the show from the beginning on Amazon Prime. I thought it'd be a nice trip down memory lane and a good reminder of what I'm working towards. And while it was fun to go through it again (I'd forgotten some parts), it made me feel like I was stuck in a ditch. Don't get me wrong, I've had minor glow ups since secondary school and my fashion sense is getting a lot better, but ultimately I'm still unattractive. And my career - I've had so many knock-backs - it feels like I'm going nowhere. I finished uni 2 years ago but what use is a degree without a career? The show that once inspired me, now makes me feel sad and unaccomplished.

Of course, I'm not stupid. It's a TV show. They don't show Betty's failures prior to Mode. She probably had her fair share of knock backs too. But Betty is more than a character. She's a symbol of hope and resilience. Her journey is a metaphor for the road I'm on and right now it seems like I've just missed my exit and my car has broken down. Maybe I'll get back on track. Soon, hopefully. But how can I say I'm Ugly Betty when I've been stuck in the same place for 2 years? It seems dumb to compare myself with someone who made things happen, when I can't seem to do the same.